Lately, we have lived some very difficult times in our family.  My mother-in-law finally lost her fight against lung cancer this past month after having battled for about 1 1/2 years.  It has been immeasurably hard to let her go, yet we have had peace in the valley because of her love for Jesus and His ministry to our grieving souls.  With that, we have travelled and mourned and had much upheaval of time, place, and heart. 
 
This month has had much joy in it, as well, for my children just turned 9—the ones I did not know if ever would come.  They were much longed for, prayed for, and hoped for.  My sweet mom also celebrated her birthday this month.  The celebrations have been many, joyous, and chaotic! 
 
Outside of these events, life has just been very busy with scheduling and fullness—all good, but it has been fast, fast, fast.  As our children have gotten older, more activities have come and paces have surged forward.  For you, my friends reading this, I am sure there is much going on in your world, too—jobs, callings, loss of loved ones, family shepherding/parenting, births, chores, aching struggles, fun times with friends, and so forth.
 
For me, the hectic pace of life often ends up assaulting my body in harsh ways.  Last night, in bed, my anxiety was at full throttle as I felt the plates in my heart and life spinning, and I was so overwhelmed. I was praying and praying, yet my body had taken off.  The adrenaline had already shot through my veins, and my heart was racing (even while on a betablocker!).  I was working at staying calm through prayer—trying not to let myself panic while my body was out of control.
 
As all of this life has been happening, God has been weaving the concept of Sabbath into my soul. There has not been much room for Sabbath in my life these days, and that is okay for a time.  Sometimes, life demands that we be present in ways that push, pull, and require our every last ounce of being.  But, that reality cannot stay forever.  Sabbath is built into the very fabric of our souls.  Yahweh, our Maker and the Creator, Himself, rested on the seventh day of creation.  Since we are so wondrously made in His image, we, too, must Sabbath.
 
In the Ten Commandments, God says that “…the Lord blessed the Sabbath day and made it holy.” (Exodus 20:11)  It is a blessed and sacred part of our relationship with Him.  Beyond that, it is a witness between us.  Hear what He says to the Israelites in Exodus 31:17--“ It will be a sign between me and the Israelites forever, for in six days the Lord made the heavens and the earth, and on the seventh day he rested and was refreshed.’”  Our God knew we needed this restful discipline to refresh us and to give witness to His love.
 
Jesus, the One Who Sabbathed perfectly on this earth, reminded the teachers of the law that “…the Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath.” (Mark 2:27)  God always meant for it to bless us and also to teach us the reverence of stopping our agendas so that we might remember Him and seek after His.  The Hebrew word for Sabbath literally means, “cease, desist.” (Vines)  It is so hard to cease in our fast-paced world, for our strivings, victories, and worries distract us mightily.
 
I do not know all the reasons why God has allowed me to battle anxiety so severely, but I do know that it forces me to Sabbath.  I literally start breaking down inwardly and outwardly if I do not practice Sabbath in my life.  In this, I am so grateful for God’s redeeming my weakness to draw me closer to Him.    
 
Beyond His work over my anxiety, He has breathed Sabbath over my parenting, marriage, the daily grind of living, in my callings, and beyond.  Here are some of the ways I Sabbath with Him—looking out a window and really seeing His handiwork, watching/reading visual and redemptive stories, having regular breaks in my leading of worship, sitting down and doing nothing for a time, going on a date with my husband, having fun with my children, ceasing from my agendas and productivity, not listening to all the podcasts I’d like so that there is silence in my spirit, calling a friend, relishing and experiencing colors and beauty, and many more.  All of these are little, restful breaths of Him that help restore my soul. 
 
Finally, my very best times of Sabbath are when I take time to get alone with Jesus and commune intentionally and fervently with Him.  Only then do I enter most deeply into that rare and holy rest found in the heart of Sabbath.    
 
I pray that we would cultivate more and more Sabbath in our busy lives.  May we rest in Him so that we can boldly live out our callings before Him in His strength and not our own.  May we rest, be refreshed, and drink of Him.  May we be a people who Sabbath.

The second son he [Joseph] named Ephraim and said, “It is because God has made me fruitful in the land of my suffering.”  Gen. 41:52

I was sitting in a Beth Moore Bible study when God rattled me with this verse.  It has been inside of me before, but it hadn’t been in my soul lately.  Since then, it hasn’t really left.

I think why this struck me so powerfully is because of how painful suffering truly is.  The pain we encounter personally and through others contends against this verse’s truth, trying to tamp it out and swallow it whole.  We often wonder like David did in Psalm 13 if God has forgotten us because the hardship is so great.  We wonder how anyone can survive this world and its brokenness.

 When Jesus faced the darkest night of His soul, He humbly asked that it might pass but then went on to pray the most amazing, costly, holy prayer I have ever heard—“not My will, but Thine be done.”  (Luke 22:42)  In so doing, He showed us how much He trusted His Father’s faithfulness to carry Him through the gaping evil coming after Him.  In the midst of His trial, He opened Himself up in complete vulnerability to the capable hands of His Father.  

But during our suffering, we typically can be found in fetal positions trying desperately to banish any and every hurt from our lives.  It is very hard for us to be vulnerable and open to even God during these times.  The idea of letting Him work in our pain causes us to sweat our own drops of blood.

I have been in some rather wicked lands of suffering just like you have.  That is one thing that unites us all—we live together in this brokenness.  We all bear the burden of Adam and Eve’s taste of sin in the Garden.  Though God’s common grace upholds us all and reveals so much of His beauty still, we all share a common table of sin and its fallout—a world with sickness, death, and temptation. 

Nevertheless (such a faith-filled word), He has not left us at that table.  Redemption sprang forth right after that loss in our Garden.  As He tenderly clothed his wayward children, His restoration had begun.  And over time, He called out a people to show His grace and reveal His mercy and truth, lighting up the whole world with His witness through them.  As He promised to Abraham, the entire earth would be blessed because of the people coming through him (Gen. 12:3); God wanted to redeem not just the Israelites but all people from the very beginning.

Measure upon measure of redemption—the law, the covenants, nature itself with its cycle of  death and resurrection among myriad other graces of restoration— have come.  But, none compare to His Son.  Immanuel—God with us—Who came to be the Lamb for our Passover.  Now, those of us in Christ have been passed over; death can no longer hold us because it did not hold Him.  This is how much God can do through suffering—conquer sin, vanquish death—literally save… the… world.

In the end, we have to face whether we are willing to open ourselves up to our Father, just as Jesus did, to bear fruit in the midst of our own wanderings and devastated lands.  Are we willing to let everything be redeemed— or are there pockets in our spirits we are not willing to open up to His work?  Are we able to trust that His redemptive power is big enough for every evil—internal and external-- we encounter? 

As I have wrestled with this, I want to journey in a way that lets Him rain havoc in my darknesses—both the ones I harbor and the ones with which the Evil One attacks me.  May Yahweh God plow, till, and transform every darkness, planting seeds of hope, redemption, restoration, and peace where once there was stronghold, sin, attack, siege.  May we follow our example and Savior, Jesus— learning, yielding, and allowing Yahweh to bear in us the fragrant, costly fruit that can be reaped in the crucible of every trial. 

But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen. (1 Peter 5:10-11)

 

 

Blog Philosophy and Living Life

Hi Everyone, I am really ready to start this blog now! :)  I have been waiting to feel His leading for the timing of all things.   It is so best when I wait and do not rush head-long into things, as I am prone to do! My husband calls me Rhino (most of the time with affection) for a reason.  I tend to be dogged when I put my mind/heart into something!

So, it is time.  :)  I wanted to let you know that I will not be writing every week just to write every week. I will be writing when I feel led to write and have something to say. I, personally, have stopped following people because they write every day, and I just do not have the time to read every day!!  And, I really just want to read other’s stuff when they feel burdened to write, not because they want to keep their name out there or keep generating buzz.  I long to listen to real stuff, not generated material! In that spirit, I will be blogging the same way—when I can’t not write about something and only then. :)

Beyond that, I know how incredibly precious your time is and truly value spending time sharing hearts this way. Thanks for taking the time when you can to sit and share.  I look forward to doing that with you, and when you can’t, I praise God that we are both living our lives and are too busy!

That leads me to my next point—I love, love, love how our digital connectedness can keep us interacting in beautiful, meaningful, and long-reaching ways.  I would not be writing this blog nor reading others if I didn’t! But, I always want to remember to be living life in the flesh with the real-live people around me, especially the very ones God has given me to serve and shepherd in my own home and heart.  The balance is tricky, but I refuse to be tied to some type of digital device as my main way of loving people and being loved by them.   So, I purpose to live life and be present, all the while trying to stay connected in healthy ways to this medium called the internet/social media/etc. that gives us small/large ways to love on one another. 

Finally, I want to warn you that I will be writing about intense stuff as well as not-as-intense stuff.  No matter what, I pray that even if you disagree with me, you will know that I am someone who welcomes your ideas and thoughts, even if we disagree.  I love the people who let me be me and seek to understand even when we disagree.  I am committed to being that person, as well.  :)

Much love—Amy :)

And, so it begins—this blog of mine!  Let me amend that-- I hope it is truly His more than mine! I know I won’t be channeling His words, of course, but I pray that His Spirit will guide and direct me in all my ways as I begin this way of sharing.

And, for any of you that join me that are not followers of Jesus, welcome.  I talk about Him a lot because He is just so a part of who I am; I cannot separate us.  I ask you to come as you are, as well, and let us journey and share the ways of our lives.

I have not always been comfortable entering the blog space world because I didn’t know if I had much to say that was not already being said.  Still, I simply feel called to enter the conversation about life and reality in a more public way. 

I have an insatiable hunger to know God, know other people’s souls, and to interact with the world regarding truth, reality, ideas and such.  I cannot stop trying to understand God, the world, other people, my kiddos, the Cosmos, the Middle East, politics, how to be a better Mama and friend, and the list goes on!!!! 

Thus, I am an idea wrestler.  I cannot stop wrestling with ideas and their fruits.  Ideas are what make everything happen in the world—every human is living out a set of ideas, be they true or not.  What we believe, we act out in our daily life.  Ideas are so very, very important; we need to understand the ones we live by and what ideas those around us live by.

Here is to a lifetime of wrestling. J