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Letting Go, Grief, and Eden

7/20/2016

16 Comments

 
     I had another blog planned, but there has been a heaviness in my soul lately that must come out.  So much loss and chaos has been happening in my little world and in the larger world around us. And, I just want it to stop. 
     I don’t know if anyone is equipped for these losses, but I feel so utterly bereft when grief comes.  For, pain sometimes accompanies the price of love and connection.  I am so glad to pay it because it means I have fully attached my heart to another, but it is so costly. 
     Recently, one of the communities I have chosen to journey deeply with—my church-- has experienced two incredibly painful tragedies.  The first is a young woman whose life ended through domestic violence.  Her husband lost his life that night, too, eventually.  In that moment, two little girls were left orphaned in one instant of madness, pain, and evil.  It is almost too much to take in.
     Next, a dear servant in this same community collapsed the very next week during our last session of worship at VBS.  She was a tireless, endless warrior for the evangelism of children.  She had remarked to me that week when we were serving together that “VBS was the highlight of [her] year.”  When most people are just trying to make it through the wild and wonderful craziness that is VBS, she was living life exhilarated because of it!  What a glorious testimony and what pain that we have now lost her.
     In our larger world, we have had the Baghdad, Bangladesh, and Nice murders in the last several weeks.  And, now we have the horrid tragedies happening in America clamoring around us.  And, many, many more continue to suffer around the globe, as well, because of every imaginable evil, be it starvation, rape, murder, sickness, oppression, and so on.
     With all of this, my spirit just sighs and wonders if I can keep going in the midst of this harshness, this fragility of life, this chaos, this sadness.  Sometimes, I wonder if I can keep breathing through it because the pain is so tangible and stifling.
     Can I just say that I am not okay with this?  I hate this reality of death and sin and the seeming unfairness of it all.
     Nevertheless, I am reminded that my God is not satisfied either with the way of this world.  He is not okay with this evil we live with and that we even experience in our own hearts.  His vision was Eden, and I think that my soul is long remembering it.  The imprint of His reflection on me remembers the lost Eden we came from where there was no sin, no evil, no loss, no pain, no sickness, no death.  And, I long for that home.
     There is good news, though, for God is leading us to a restored Eden, reclaiming for us what was lost when Eve chose to go her own way and misuse the freedom God gave her and Adam.  Ever since the heavens were rent apart and started groaning at that very moment, God, the great I Am, has been writing the larger story of Eden Redeemed. 
     It started with Israel’s redemption.  The gift of their Passover lamb foreshadowed the Passover Lamb to come.  “‘Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world.’” (John 1:29) Through Him-- Jesus, we found our ultimate redemption on the Cross.  Then came the Empty Tomb, where death was vanquished.  There, God rebuked all graves for their deadness and caused them to be final no more. 
     And, it is still happening today, as He leads His church, His people, to sing the song of Eden and Redemption to all those who are still struggling in this groaning, broken, beautiful land.  It is because of this, His labor for us, that we can keep breathing in the light of losing our loved ones and somehow bear the continued suffering in this world. 
     May we breathe in Him, Truth, as we walk forward day by day in the hardness of this life.  For, platitudes will never satisfy, only a Truth grounded in reality can sustain our spirits— a Truth that knows of a bloody, costly, yet victorious cross.  And, may we rest knowing that those who are in Jesus are with Him now and weep no more.  
16 Comments
Kimberly Herrera
7/20/2016 08:41:37 pm

Thanks I miss you. I am so sad as well from the deaths of two wonderful women. I cant wait to see them again.

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Amy
7/21/2016 04:19:51 pm

Thanks Kim!! Love you much... :)

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Dianne K Hartzell
7/20/2016 08:56:28 pm

My heart aches for all the sadness and tragedy,,may God give you comfort Amy,,You are such a wonderful leader and inspiration to us at Grace,,crawl up in God's lap and rest in His arms,, Pour your heart out to him, He listens, He answers and He can heal your sadness, we know for sure where our friend is,,In the throne room of God,,can't you see her reaching out and helping the children?, She is home,,with love and prayers,,Dianne ,,Deborah Larson is my niece,,,

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Amy
7/21/2016 04:20:34 pm

Thanks so much, Dianne, and for taking the time. I am grateful for your encouragement! :)

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Donna Farris
7/20/2016 09:44:24 pm

Thank you for the beautiful expression of what you are feeling as well as the rest of us. You're so right, so much loss in such a short time. In less than 6hrs 3 beautiful ladies who were warriors here on earth, they fought the battle and they served and loved our Lord with all their hearts. I shed tears of sorrow and joy - sorrow for our earthly loss but of joy that we are assured that we will one day see each of them again. My heart was heavy in grief and sadness at loosing these sweet ladies. Sweet Charlene, Beverly, and my friend Dawn (who has ties here in Buckeye also)

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Amy
7/21/2016 04:22:12 pm

Thanks so much, sweet Donna! I am so sorry for your losses recently, too. :( How good it is that we have our Savior and Comforter!!

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Kerry Ploeser
7/20/2016 11:10:20 pm

Amy, thank you for the beautiful reminder that I am made for Eden. I am praying for you and your community that these moments would draw each of you deeper into the arms of Jesus and find Him to be your peace.

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Amy
7/21/2016 04:22:58 pm

I love that-- we are made for Eden, for sure, and headed back, thank you, Lord!! Love to you! :)

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Melody Sandell
7/21/2016 06:27:59 am

My dearest Amy my heart aches with your losses. Yet It rejoices with you in the knowledge of an an loving, all wise and perfect Heavenly Father. As a volunteer EMT and firefighter my heart experiences and shares the raw emotions of pain and loss that we see. The sometimes almost unbearable sadness is eased with Gods peace and His quiet whisper that He is still in control. Love you so much Amy! Thank you for sharing so beautifully what God has put on your heart.

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Amy
7/21/2016 04:24:42 pm

Thanks so much for sharing your heart, Melody. You are amazing, and I am so grateful for how you share His love and peace as you minister to people in their times of trauma. May you continue to feel His strength as you pour His love to those you help. What a warrior! Love you much... :)

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Amber Brown
7/21/2016 08:48:07 pm

Beautiful truth. Somber, truth. Thank you for your thoughts and insights.

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Amy
7/25/2016 07:33:26 pm

Thanks, sweet friend, and love you!

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Kirby Millard
7/22/2016 07:26:02 am

I miss the worship sessions we spent with you in Buckeye but we continue to pray for you and church there. As you may know Kolene, my sister, passed from cancer on 8June, my birthday. It's hard but I know where she is and I know God works all things together for good. I can only flourish when I allow Christ's spirit to live through me as me. Life doesn't overwhelm me that way.

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Amy
7/25/2016 07:35:28 pm

Thanks, Kirby, for sharing your thoughts. It is such a privilege that you do. Yes, I did know of Kolene's passing. I grieve over her, as well, yet I, too, rejoice that she is Home and in a Redeemed Eden. My heart is still overcome by her loss, as well, and I am sooo sorry for your loss. But, I cling to our Savior with you and am grateful for His continual presence. :)

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Lis link
7/23/2016 10:15:47 am

Sweet Amy: thank you for sharing your heart and reminding us of a restored Eden, Eden Redeemed. :) Sending you Love and hugs as you grieve for these heavy losses.

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Amy
7/25/2016 07:36:14 pm

Thanks, sweet friend. Looking forward to our redemption that is to come!!

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    Amy Saylor Gerak-- Idea Wrestler, Mama, Musician, Wife, Friend, Daughter and Sister

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