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After Covid Came

1/15/2022

14 Comments

 
It has been awhile since I have written.  When Covid first hit, I had to retreat to handle what was happening.  Then, we bought a house, renovated that house, and moved during the week of Easter.  After all that, we eventually sold our other house, which was also stressful.  Then, there was the stress of our world and society.  All of that, and I just had to take a big Sabbath to survive. 

It is now time to leave my cocoon.  While I Sabbathed and was quiet, I learned a lot.  God grew, challenged, and met me, yet some crevices in my soul that had been there got worse and bigger.  Still, some of those broken places, He wove over with His grace and filled me up with His Living Water.  I am both broken and whole, a reminder of His continual grace and the grace that is to come.

There is no denying how very hard this time has been and often continues to be.  Watching the pain of actual death for some, sickness for others, loss of jobs, school children bereft of friendship and learning, people scared and incredulous, rancor in the streets, families split because of opinions, and so on, has been one of the most difficult things I have ever experienced.  I know this experience is not unique to me-- it has been a lot for us all.

In this broken, I have waged my own war-- one of fear, rage, submission, and hope.  As a germaphobe, I have written previously (see here-- worry-hard-fought-faith-and-coronavirus.html) about how hard a pandemic is for me on a very basic level.  But, the emotional stress of it all has been more than I could anticipate.  I have been afraid for myself, my family, and all I love. I have been judged, and I have judged others.   I have been frustrated by my viewpoints and the differing ones of others.  I have sought Him and left it there and then taken it all back again.  And, I have learned that He is my Rock in ways I never knew I needed. 

Yet, through it all, I have felt called to carry space for all I encounter to breathe, to be who they truly are. These fraught times have taught me how much discipline it takes to let someone else be safe with me, even if I disagree with them about a certain issue.  In so doing, I have found some precious friends who have done the same for me, even while knowing we deeply disagree in our perspectives. 

It is simply hard work to love this way; it is bloody, Cross-work.  It is some of the hardest work I have ever done. 

Humility is a bitter pill to swallow, and most in our culture do not cultivate its fruit. I am first in need to lay my own self down in these ways.  But, when we do, when we do, pathways of freedom and grace begin to form.  Love begets love, humility slays pride, and peace covers fear.

A beautiful lesson I have learned in this is regarding motives.  When all of this began, I think I would rush to wonder about someone’s motives if their views were different than mine.  In that, I judged.  Over time, God has revealed that I always must trust people’s hearts that I know, just like I want them to do so for me when I make them wonder.  It has been one of my biggest gifts in this season.

Can you imagine what our world would be like if we gave each other the benefit of the doubt—that just because we disagree does not change one iota the depth of the other’s love, character, integrity?

​So, how humble are you and I?  How safe are we for our friends?  Can they be real with us, or do they have to hide their real thoughts because they know we can’t handle them?

​I invite you to take up the cross of humility with me.  This does not mean our opinions will change nor that we won’t share them at appropriate times, but may we do so with our souls prostrate before Him.  Let us be humble together, for we follow a Savior that was humble enough to submit to death on a cross for us.  May we, too, take up our cross and follow Him.
14 Comments
Deb
1/16/2022 03:58:55 pm

Beautiful heart, Amy. I love this and you, especially these words: “Love begets love, humility slays pride, and peace covers fear.”

Reply
Amy
1/18/2022 01:03:25 pm

Thank you so much, Deb, for taking a few moments with me. I love you always!

Reply
Pamela Medley
1/16/2022 04:39:47 pm

Thank you dear one for sharing your heart.
Details may be different but your overall narrative, I believe, is felt by many. Love you, praying for you and for us all 🙏❤️ and praising God as we make each step.

Reply
Amy
1/18/2022 01:04:45 pm

Yes, dear friend, it is not just Covid that divides us. You are someone that when I hear of your prayers, I feel automatically comforted, for you walk so close to Him. Thanks for journeying with me and for praying-- you strengthen my heart with Him!

Reply
Jama Accomazzo
1/16/2022 05:15:15 pm

Love this! ❤️

Reply
Amy
1/18/2022 01:05:16 pm

Thanks for sharing some moments with me Jama-- so honored to share together in this way. Much love, Amy :)

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Tamara Monoskie
1/17/2022 07:24:29 am

Humility is definitely required in our walk with Christ and others, yet it is truly such a struggle. It takes conscious day by day yielding to that tender voice of the Spirit. Thanks for these beautiful words and your example of loving people despite disagreements.

Reply
Amy
1/18/2022 01:06:21 pm

Amen!! Humility is SOO hard. I fail and succeed and fail again, but He is always there calling me to it and to Himself. Thank you for your words and journeying with me in this. I am so grateful!

Reply
Lindsey Layton
1/17/2022 10:06:35 am

I read this last blog of yours Amy for the first time, and I can’t tell you how full of love, and gratitude I was overwhelmed with. After reading, it left me thinking to myself how tolerant and compassionate I have been. Needless to say, I am longing to look within my own self and make necessary changes in my own attitude and life, which it is hard to look in the mirror and analyze yourself to make goals to have some changes take place not only for myself, but for my girls. They look to me for just about everything for examples of how to conduct themselves and act. I loved reading this Amy. I am constantly amazed at how you cease to teach me something new. I love you dear friend! Thank you for blogging on this. I look forward to reading more from you! Much love! 💕

Reply
Amy
1/18/2022 01:09:09 pm

Thanks so much, Lindsey! Your heart and encouragement and the joy with which you live your life is such a light in my own life. Yes, I am constantly with you, evaluating how I walk as my kids are watching me, too. What wonderful and crazy work it is to parent, and what an amazing gift to walk it all with Jesus. So thankful for you! Much love, Amy

Reply
Gordon
1/19/2022 07:45:32 am

You bless my heart Amy! You continue to encourage me (and all around you). 🤟 Thank You, Father, for Your beautiful reflection! 🎶💕

Reply
Amy
1/20/2022 07:25:41 pm

Thank you, Gordon! You are such an encouragement to me back!! You and Joanna are so dear to my heart! Love to you!

Reply
Mike Whitlow
1/19/2022 02:28:31 pm

Love you, girl, and miss you.

Reply
Amy
1/20/2022 07:26:16 pm

Love you, too, wonderful friend and miss you always...

Reply



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    Amy Saylor Gerak-- Idea Wrestler, Mama, Musician, Wife, Friend, Daughter and Sister

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